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1. The Ghoul- The local late night horror movie host heir apparent after Ghoulardi left town. He was on channel 55 during most of my twenties. He’d make personal appearances( especially around Halloween) at local bars and sci fi convos. The show has been gone for years now and the appearances have pretty much dried up except for the St. Patrick’s Day parade. Fall just isn’t the same without him.

2. Kick Out The Jams- This was the thirty year old college radio show airing on WJCU( John Carroll) on Saturday mornings. It featured nothing but guitars. Hard rock, metal, psychedelic hippie rock, garage rock and foreign heavy guitar music. It was a Saturday tradition to either lay in bed hungover from Friday, cruise around running errands, cruise around on my old dry cleaning route, or just doing household chores while Mitch Capka logged in four hours of painstakingly handpicked mindblowing broadcasting. He did it for free. For thirty some years. Purely because he loved the music. He went off the air sometime last year, and Saturdays just haven’t been the same without him.

3. The Memphis Drive In Movie Theater- Most of my friends are probably sick of hearing me moan about this place. I might have even mentioned it on here sometime. It was located in the heart of the west side at Tiedeman and Memphis. Three screens of unadulterated summer/ fall cinema sensation. Now the only drive ins left are out in the boonies at least forty minutes away. Back then we lived on the east side. After every movie there was the twenty minute drive home past our beautiful nightime skyline. Now I see it weekly coming home from Lake County on Sunday nights. But those nights at the Memphis were a great tradition. I’ve lambasted the local card company that ultimately spelled the end of this family and freak friendly love fest all over the internet, so I’ll refrain from mentioning them. But you should be ashamed of yourselves for depriving the core city dwellers of a proud institution.

4. Old Cleveland bands reuniting at the Beachland. During the 2000′s, we saw the greatest frequency of this activity. Sure we get maybe one or two a year now, but back then it seemed like every other week a long forgotten Cleveland legend dusted off their amps and got together to delight their old fans. Damnation of Adam Blessing, Glass Harp, the Choir, the Raspberries, the James Gang and Tiny Alice were some of the greats I had the pleasure of seeing. Some still play the Hessler Street Fair or the odd bar here and there. And yes they are that much older now, so playing out would be a hassle. Just glad I was there at the time.

5. The National Record Collector’s convention at the Rock Hall- It was only around for a handful of years, but was always the highlight of my summer. It usually took place around my birthday in late July and featured dealers from all over the country. Parking by the hall was even scarcer than it is now for free concerts. The place was jam packed with memorabilia, collector nerds(myself the biggest) and regular rock hall patrons who were drawn into the vinyl swapping frenzy. I don’t even go to the hall much anymore. That show was a guaranteed visit. Both days(Saturday and Sunday)! We still have the long running local record convo in Fairview Park, but that one downtown was ten times as fun.

Other things I miss are the plethora of shopping on Madison in Lakewood(where I now reside), efforts to resuscitate Euclid Beach Park, Assholier than Thou on WCSB(the best talk radio show ever), better variety of music venues(Agora, Jigsaw, etc), the old Majic 105 FM(the djs and music were so comforting, not like satellite oldies radio), and yes, even LeBron. It seemed like when that narcissist maniac was flying above the rim in Cavs colors, that everything would be alright. We had a champion. Now everything feels more abandoned and broken than ever. Just my opinion.

What do we really have going for us now? The foodie scene is taking off, people are coming back home from more expensive locales, and our medical community is thriving. That means little to a low rent such as myself. I hate to sound like a Debbie Downer, or even a Mopey Moses(Cleveland reference),but my twenties were the funnest this city will ever be for me.

I strolled the pooch through my hood this misty fall morning. Here are some pics of the most picturesque and proud corner of Cleveland city proper. Not officially recognized as a neighborhood, Warren Village gets lumped into Kamm’s Corners or the larger West Park. But this stretch of brick paved streets and European style fabric awnings has a feel all it’s own. It’s located south of I-90, north of Triskett and west of w. 140th to the Rocky River. Not hip like Tremont or Ohio City, but more suburbanish within the city limits, Warren Village is like a more affordable Shaker Heights(safer and cleaner). It’s why I bought my house one block north in neighboring Lakewood. Pictured are a sweet camo van, Impett Park, pumpkins at the tinyest Giant Eagle, a flaming golf cart, my African cab driver neighbor’s taxi and my Halloween decorations. Not traditionally how I try to sell Warren Village, these are the quirkier sights one might see out and about.

The pooch and I went night time cruising tonight and I snapped some pix to document Cleveland on a Wednesday late night. Not much open, but plenty of busses, transients and neon lights to keep the eye interested. First down Lorain into downtown and back down Detroit to the Clifton/117th area. We ordered some Gepetto’s and window shopped at Torso, Big Fun and Flower Child while the slop cooked. Oh, and it was only 11:30. Not really late night. But for this town it is.

From there we took Emery out to the Brainard/Chagrin area. Still pretty wooded and laid back out there. Brainard took us north to Lake County for a crisp fall day of dog romping and hanging with newly retired mom. What a life she leads!

At 2pm we set back out for Brook Park. We took the industrial Lakeland/freeway route(my former train graffiti stomping grounds) to the Euclid reservation to the Green/Mayfield area. This is home of Warehouse Beverage. A great beer purveyor rivaled only by Simone’s in Lakewood. I used to stop in all the time when I lived out there. From there we meandered through Shaker along Fairmount and all the giant mansions I hadn’t seen since I drove for Hillcrest Ambulance back in 2005. Down Cedar Hill into University Circle and down a very congested Carnegie into downtown. Hung a left at 55th and inched down to Woodland during what seemed like the longest traffic jam ever(I’ve driven in Chicago and LA and not been so frustrated). The day ended with a quick shot down 77 to 480 and back to our starting point. A feast for the eyes and a real jogging of the old memory banks.

Leaves in the gutters, clams on the steamer
the overpaid losers roll up in their Beamers
Head to their lockers and strap on the pads
while we order more beers for our hard working dads

Number nineteen jerseys clothe our backs
the line just gave up three more sacks
The running back stabbed by his live in lady
our choice has come down to Derek or Brady?

The fumble, the drive, red right eighty eight and
Kevin Mack crack, don’t drop the ball, Peyton
Art took them to Baltimore, they won a title
our whole city became suicidal

The Cardiac Kids our ever in our hearts
take that old stadium and tear it apart
Steelers fans are pitiful wannabes
our most successful Brownie is still Barnaby

Deerhunter, the Vietnam War/ coalmining town epic from the 70′s starring Robert DeNiro and Christopher Walken, had parts shot in Tremont. I believe they are the wedding scenes before the lads ship off to sunny Saigon.

Everyone and their ugly Christmas sweater wearing mother knows A Christmas Story was also filmed in Tremont. As well as Higbee’s(Halle’s for old people, Dillard’s for younger folk) downtown.

I just today rewatched American Splendor. It’s the film about recently deceased underground comics legend Harvey Pekar. He spent his whole life here. I recognized some parts of Lakewood I live by that pass for Cleveland Heights in the film. I guess the Heights was too good to be in a lowly art film(with art film mainstay, Paul Giamatti).

The Oh in Ohio starred Parker Posey, Danny Devito, and Mischa Barton. It featured footage of Coventry. Nobody saw this movie, so I’ll just stop here.

The Battle of Shaker Heights was the second movie financed by Project Greenlight(the Matt Damon and Ben Affleck venture to help aspiring film auteurs). It starred Shia LeBeouf and looked alot like Shaker Heights.

Welcome to Collinwood starred George Clooney. This caper flick(which I have put off seeing several times) takes place in the run down northeast neighborhood. This was long before it became a hipster haven. Or before the recent film fest fave Kill the Irishman, about local mob slob Danny Green, brought the neighborhood to national prominence. Oddly enough, none of Irishman was filmed in Cleveland. It was shot in Detroit. Like most things are in Detroit.

And let’s not forget Light of Day. The Michael J. Fox rock band vehicle featured our own local legend, Trent Reznor performing in Cleveland based scenes.

Howard the Duck was supposed to take place here, but I don’t believe any of it was shot here. Don’t bother watching that snoozefest. Even Leah Thompson couldn’t save it.

Veering from movies into tv, our only real standouts were the Drew Carye Show and Hot In Cleveland. Those weren’t shot locally, but featured footage of local houses in transitional scenes. There are currently two other movies shooting in town. One right down the block from my house. Will C-Town become the next hot city to make a mark in pop culture(ala Portland,Vegas or Austin)? According to traitor LeBron, no. But maybe moviemakers with immense imagination, work ethic and a basic education know a little bit more than an illiterate, pampered, self centered supervillain… Hey wait, get his agent on the phone. We’ve got a part for him!

During the summer months, my family and extended circle of Italian family friends would have giant picnics in the Mayfield Heights area. Lots of homemade pizza served cold, pastries galore, and bocce ball. Lots and lots of bocce ball. I think I learned bocce ball about twenty years before I ever went bowling. The air was thick with several different dialects of the native language, broken English and children speaking English. Quite a model UN of trash talking. Mayfield road is pretty much the Appian Way of Ohio. From Little Italy all the way down to route 91, every neighborhood north or south of this drag is where you can find imported food stores, pizzerias and restaurants that are the closest to authentic one can find in Cuyahoga county. I recently looked up local radio “personality” Mike Trivisonno on the county property taxes website(out of simple curiosity) and discovered there to be about five hundred Trivisonnos in the county. That tells you all you need to know about how Italian Cleveland is.

Sundays in the winter  always meant foggy windows. Spaghetti boiling, sauce simmering, veal braising. The picture windows in Grandma’s house became a giant chalkboard for me to doodle on. “Stop it! It’s going to leave fingerprints!”, I would constantly hear as I conjured my own personal Sistine chapels on the dining room pane. Sundays also involved killing time reading the comics and sales sections(I am a born shopaholic) of the Plain Dealer while waiting for all the vittles to be done. And Walt Disney presents on ABC. Remember that?

Italian weddings always involved polka for some reason. Sure, you got your standard Dean Martin, Sinatra and nowadays, Andrea Bocceli. But I guess in Cleveland, polka becomes the default Electric Slide for old people. I heard my first polka at a family wedding way before I met any actual Polish people or tasted my first cabbage roll. Oh, and even though indoor soccer was a bastardization of real soccer, the Cleveland Force was a huge draw for the fam back in the day. And for even more deeper entrenched Clevelanders, the outdoor Cleveland Cobras! I need one of their jerseys bad.

In this modern adult phase of my life, I try to keep some traditions alive. Pasta on a Sunday, sangria during summer months and a hefty party schedule on Columbus Day are how I do it. Most people overlook Columbus Day(deeming it not politically correct-”he was lost!”). But I try to do it up. Explorer food, Italian psychedelic tunes, and maybe some limoncello this year. I haven’t actually taken in the August feast all that much, but this year promises to be pretty lively. As does Jersey Shore. Mama mia, that was a spicy article!

So it’s nearing the end of July. According to the calendar, we are only one third of the way through the summer. However, with the blistering heat and outdoor activities that got started back in early June, it feels like we are halfway or further.  Despite all the tornadoes,high profile criminal trials, government protests, flooding, sports rioting and labor disputes, Carmageddons and gas hikes….the living in Cleveland has been sublime.  I attended cookouts, free concerts(Fitz and the Tantrums), pay concerts(Neon Indian), softball games, street fairs, gotten lots of car friendly fast food(White Castle, Sonic, Swenson’s) and sipped many beers on streetside patios(Tremont Taphouse, Mars Bar, B Side). Some highlights:

The first hot days of June saw my dog and I walking several miles up and down the Towpath trail from Rockside up to who knows where. We saw turtles and frogs swimming along the canal with Olympic fervor. The sun baked us into crackly, stumbling adobe clay statues, eventually collapsing and crumbling beneath the Valley View Bridge where our car was parked. We doused ourselves with a gallon of water to keep from dying. This was a harbinger of the hot days to come a month later. To balance out that day, I spent a refreshing evening on the patio of the B Side Lounge in Coventry before the Neon Indian show at the Grog Shop. After the sweaty dance session, I hung out on Euclid Heights boulevard waiting for my ride as rain started to fall. This was before the big “flash mob” phenomenon swept through the neighborhood in the following weeks. Now there is allegedly a six oclock curfew for teenagers in Cleveland Heights. Real fun summer times for the kids. Another toasty day found me sipping beer with the henna queen of Cleveland on her porch just off of Mayfield road in Little Italy during rush hour.

I took a couple stabs at eating ice cream(which I don’t really like) just to get into the summer more. The first time the wife and I met up with the Good Times Tracker at Malley’s in Lakewood. We sat on a streetside bench on Madison avenue taking in the early evening. Then I got a fun summertime surprise! Some miscreants drove by and splashed water in my face from a car. Isn’t that great? Even lower functioning, UFC watching Xbox addicts can have fun in a quirky town like Lakewood by harassing the residents. Anyhow, another attempt at ice cream resulted in Dairy Queen on the steps of the abandoned St.James church on Detroit. Drive in food was also on the unhealthy menu these last few weeks. Sonic in Parma has a fun vibe, decent food, and great limeade shakes. Swenson’s at Broadview and Pleasant Valley has an even more “hang out-y” vibe, great food and enthusiastic servers. On a different note, we sampled the South American fare at Barroco Grill in Birdtown, Lakewood. Very hip little place filled with low brow art and island tunes. I had a succulent Cuban sandwich, while my fellow diners had the house specialty, arrepas(a Venezualan pseudo empanada/wrap). This was followed by beer outside the Mars Bar mere feet from the splashing incident. I did not hear a car backfire and plunge headlong into a Vietnam style flashback as everyone feared I would.

The fourth of July weekend started with a drive out to Lake county the night before, as fireworks peppered the sky above I-90 all the way out there. We had a backyard bonfire and listened to Johnny Depp read the Keith Richards autobiography. How American. A Frenchman reading a British book. The actual day of the fourth I mostly slept on the couch. The next week was the Fitz and the Tantrums free show at the Rock Hall. This was by far the hottest day up to that point. I had to use the Rock hall bathroom to cool off about three times. It was probably dumb to wear a gingham shirt and vest with corduroys, but I suffer for fashion. As did the band. They managed to shake out some soul stompers while also dressed like urban dandies. That night and the following two Wednesdays were spent at the Tremont Taphouse with the mighty Yelp softball team. I am their entire rooting section. They play at Clark fields if anyone wants to come down on Wednesdays at 6:30.

July also witnessed the birth of my new pride and joy, Mistake on the Mlake. This is a podcast featuring my wife and myself, and recorded on the front steps of our house in south central Lakewood. We discuss hot topics filtered through the perspective of a childless and  jaded, young married couple from Ohio. http://soundcloud.com/romansalami/sets Check it out if you want to hear some talk radio with actual substance. Or you can keep listening to Triv and Rover and devolve into a slimy half human slug monster.

Lastly, I would like to invite other Crave staff writers to share what they have done so far this summer. I know all of you, and I know you have all done tons of cool stuff. Get typing! Hopefully my part two will be just as engaging.

Since getting my own house, though, I have come to embrace the brief respite from winter. I sit on the front stoop at night with my dog, hang in my in law’s backyard boozing or just cruise in my 99 Chrysler(also with busted air). But it’s okay, because my dog likes to have her head out the window the whole time. I could bore you with the cliched Cleveland summertime hotspots(Edgewater, Headlands, bar patios, etc). Instead I will provide you with a summer playlist.

Blue Cheer- Summertime Blues
Mungo Jerry- in The Summertime(with the totally wrong lyric, “have a drink, have a drive…”
Queens of the Stone Age- Feel Good Hit of the Summer
Blue Oyster Cult- This Ain’t the Summer of Love
Big Brother with Janis Joplin- Summertime
Sly and the Family Stone-Hot Fun in the Summertime
The Sunrays(a Beach Boys spinoff)- We All Live for the Sun
Main Source(featuring Nas)- Live at the BBQ

Have a happy memorial day everyone!