Monsoon Season of the Witch

May 19th, 2011 by Mau Lanese

Sure has been raining a lot lately. I had grand designs on turning my backyard into an art installation, sprucing up the front yard and hanging with my pooch on the front stoop. Nix that. The last three weeks have been an unending deluge. Normally I would say great! The lawn always dries out mid July. I think one week of rain would have sufficed. this constant dreariness and fog is always what I thought I wanted. To live in Seattle or London, my dream. But I am about done with it right now. I have to time breaks between the storms just to walk my dog for ten minutes. There’s this guy on my street who usually fires up his circular saw and woodworking equipment to make cornhole tables all summer long. I swear the other day I saw him dressed in robes and fashioning an ark. The ground is so saturated, when I flick a butt on to it, steam flies up. It’s so wet out there(how wet is it?)…..homeless people are actually preferring to urinate INDOORS!

I know I shouldn’t whine and moan. People down by the Mississippi have had it way worse. I’m just chomping at the bit to do some outdoors stuff. And I really don’t like the outdoors. I just want to get going before I become a slave to my couch and cable. I have watched WAY too much cable in this soggy epoch of inactivity. I find myself watching Michael Cera movies and shows about storage facility auctions. This is truly an intellectual drought, ironically. I was actually more active in the winter than I am right now. Once the first 85 degree sunny day rolls around, though, I’ll be missing this. Maybe I just need to adapt to this aquatic purgatory. Get myself a fan boat or hovercraft(saw one on the auction show), get some lobster cages set up in the treelawn and bump Donovan’s Atlantis every day. Who needs to see that new Pirates movie? I’m living it.

Category: Miscellaneous
Location: Comment

My Rockstar Weekend

March 21st, 2011 by Mau Lanese

Sorry to bump your last post, boss. I had to get these thoughts down before the moment had passed. These past four days I asked off of work on a whim, only to be rewarded with the craziest time I’ve had since probably Halloween. Day one was St. Patrick’s Day. Now I’m sure everyone has a million stories from that day that end in green projectile regurgitation, so I’ll hold off from the gory details. Needless to say, starting the party at 11 a.m. is going to equal a good time. I decided to make my base of ops Kamm’s corners. It’s minutes from my house and one of, if not the biggest, Irish strongholds in the metro area. We started at P. J. McIntyre’s. This is a royally appointed Irish pub that opened a few years ago. Usually they have great food, but with the throngs of orange soccer jersey clad maniacs packing the place, I just went with libations. The front outdoor hangout area right on Lorain avenue was the place to see and be seen pre- parade. From there we migrated some ten feet down to West Park Station. This is another well maintained(usually family friendly) eatery dedicated to cops and firemen. There the party was on the back patio. Things get kind of hairy there. Shots and beers were raining from the sky as everyone around me decided their wallets would become atm machines with no limit. Some in our party then headed down to the parade. I stayed behind with my buddy who lives in the neighborhood. Our next stop was West Park Village Tavern. Not very Irish or even very hopping, but a good stop none the less. After that I called it a day at 4 p.m. Other members of my entourage kept the good times going into the wee hours at places like the Harp, Stone Mad and Flannery’s.

The next day was a big dinner party at Lago in Tremont. A group of just shy of twenty were all seated in the private room. Everyone shared stories of the previous day’s adventures, moms updated the progress of their kids whom we all adore, and new significant others were brought into the fold. We all sipped super expensive martinis and munched on Mediterranean apps. If you want to be a baller for a day, put on your best shirt and have a dinner at a place like this. You won’t get full, but you’ll feel more important. Thank you to Paulius from the Velvet Tango Room for leaving us two bottles of wine even though he himself had to work. Dude is a class act. After dinner, half of us moved on to 806 Martini and Wine bar also in Tremont. We took over one of the lounging areas decorated with animal print love seats and a gas fireplace. This was a very sexy setting. There were whispers, there were belly laughs and there were longing looks exchanged. Mostly between myself and everyone else’s drinks. I rolled kind of cheap there. Then we were halved again as a mere four of us had the endurance to make it to Edison’s. This Tremont mainstay was of course hopping like any Friday night. We held down the corner of the front bar for over an hour before calling it a night.

Day three was spent glued to the couch listening to Sirius satellite radio. At seven we ventured yet again out into the night. Our friend had some vinyl toys on display at an art show at the Pop Shop in Lakewood. We popped in to check it out, walked our dog, got pizza from Roman Fountain and then made a stop at My Mind’s Eye records. I hadn’t been there in about six months due to my schedule. It felt like going home. The owner knows me(as I have shopped there some twelve years now). He is always supremely friendly, informative and enthusiastic about his trade. This is my quintessential Lakewood Saturday night. But wait, there’s more! Boss lady’s 30th birthday was being celebrated on the other side of Lakewood near the woods. I happened to see a real estate listing for a cute Cape Cod in the neighborhood(Riverside and Detroit) for 60K. It blew my mind. To get a house this inviting, on a street so cozy and windy, near so many amenities is a true steal. Why do people want to pay triple to live in Westlake? Anyhow, back to the party. Karaoke, wigs and more accounts of the previous days ruled the night. Boss lady got down! Here, other members of the entourage talked about the Found Footage festival they had attended at the Beachland the previous night. The highlight was karaoke Bennie and the Jets. I left that spot a bit early around 1 a.m. so that I could have anything left in the tank for Sunday.

Sunday was spent watching Nascar(don’t ask), the NCAA tourney and Netflix. At six we convened for a meeting of the mighty Bad Movie Fan Club. We are a select group of celluloid masochists who devote our time to hunting out and enduring particularly awful movies. We whet our appetites with a slew of early 90′s tv commercials before moving on to the stinky feature presentation, John Travolta’s epic blunder, Battlefield Earth. I could barely keep down my Nunzio’s pizza during this Hollywood vanity project turned eyeball offending sci fi steamer. Only those revelers with any stamina had made it to this glorious apex of the weekend. Now I sit in the basement, listening to the records I picked up Saturday, munching on leftovers from the past few days, looking at pictures of so many colorful people I know from many corners of town, and wishing every weekend was this good. They can’t be, but I hope that I’ve sketched the blueprint for the rest of the year to come.

Category: Miscellaneous
Location: Comment

Playground

March 17th, 2011 by Amy Thacker

At the corner of Hampshire and Overlook, in a mostly brownstone walk-up neighborhood near Coventry, Turtle Park sits as a haven for the tiniest neighbors. Geared towards children 5 and under, in the winter the sandy oasis resembles a toy graveyard, with dozens of Little Tike and Playskool push toys and dump trucks sit topsy-turvy, scattered about. But, at the first hint of warm weather, the tots, preschoolers, and early elementary kids descend upon the small, fenced in playground with fervor. At its core, Turtle Park is a giant sandbox, nestled under the very turtle after which it’s named. Like all the equipment the green turtle is made of recycled plastic and is not only a cute creature, but to a small child, a climbable mountain and slide. Kids last fall left cookie cutters, sand buckets, trowels, shovels, and molds in the , and on the ground, and the long winter did the rest to half burry them in sand. Little boys get dirty as they make the yellow trucks furrow and dig, their engines maybe the only rumble of new construction in this city. In early spring, the melted snow gathered in the upside down lids of smaller sand boxes serve as watering holes where a first grader can dip her watering can before watering her “garden” she just finished planting, the seeds found bits of acorns and stones. Turtle Park changes with the seasons, springtime gardening giving way to summertime sandcastles. Today’s watering hole, will be dry under the sun in July, pushed aside or filled with sand. In early spring, every chance to visit Turtle Park must be utilized as today’s 60 degree weather is tomorrow’s snow storm.

Category: Public Space
Location: Cleveland Heights
Comment

Driving 88 Miles per Hour around Cleveland

March 14th, 2011 by Mau Lanese

This was a crazy sci fi weekend in the world. First poor Japan almost achieves nuclear meltdown, then we all involuntarily travel through time one hour into the future(daylight savings time). This is how I spent this strange period of time in my corner of the world. Saturday morning I went out to Lake County to see my mom. I thought it was the year anniversary of my father’s passing, so I thought I should be with her. She seemed okay. I asked her when exactly he had passed. She said it was the 6th. I had completely missed the solemn event. I attribute this to my preoccupation with beer, making comedy videos and Tweeting. At least I didn’t have a meltdown of my own thanks in large part to my spotty memory. After sharing some vino with mama, I cruised the east side back to Parma, where my wife was getting off of work at 1 PM. I used to drive professionally for a living all over the Cleveland area, so I never need a GPS. People sometimes marvel at my uncanny ability to get from any point in northeast Ohio to another based simply on memory. I love driving through Beachwood, Garfield Heights, and the valley on my way back west. Soundtrack was provided by Sirius satellite radio. I heard such gems as Falco’s Vienna Calling, the Smith’s Sheila Take a Bow and the mighty Bill Wither’s A Lovely Day. Great Saturday morning.

We then got Little Caesar’s(a better alternative to frozen pizza) on Madison near my house. I hit the sack and went to work at ten that evening. This is where it gets weird. I was at work during the time change/time travel. I posted some Back to the Future videos to Facebook in honor of this awesome event. Incidentally, Cleveland played host to some filming of another Michael J. Fox film, Light of Day, back in 1987. It features Joan Jett and Cleveland’s own(via Mercer, PA) Trent Reznor. Anyhow, minutes later my work soundtrack played Power of Love by Huey Lewis. Coincidence? I think not. I left work feeling somewhat changed by the experience. The best thing is I lost an hour of work. The bonus is that I spent the last time travel holiday(falling back in autumn) partying. That is always a great feeling.

Today I woke up and watched a Mystery Science Theater dvd, walked my dog in my hood(past the original Malley’s), and then later caught Elvira on local tv. The blocks surrounding Malley’s are very intriguing. There are curvy, downhill streets crowded with old Victorian homes all over. It is the closest thing we have to San Francisco besides Old Brooklyn(another cruising fave of mine). I usually have a pretty full slate of activities on Sundays, so it was nice to just hang out and do whatever I felt like for once.

I’m currently doing laundry and listening to old comedy albums in my basement. A bit of time travelling in another sense. One lp in particular is from Lawanda Page. You might know her better as Aunt Esther form Sanford and Son. Fact- she was born in Cleveland. The lp is styled after another great Cleveland born comedian, Rudy Ray Moore aka Dolemite. The whole weekend has come full circle. The lesson is this area has bred some of our brightest comedic/musical minds. Does the national media ever address this? Of course not. So if you are bored in this town, just look back to the past, and realize that this “flyover” city has given the world some important entertainment over the years. Walk around, soak up the sights and press forward into the future.

Category: Miscellaneous
Location: Comment

I’m Ready for my Closeup, Mr. Kucinich

March 11th, 2011 by Mau Lanese

Film fest time is here again(pretty much the only reason to visit Tower City). My wife and I are scrounging the festival booklet looking for films we just have to see. It’s like picking out Christmas presents or a prom dress. I thought I’d recollect some past film fest highlights. Our first time there we saw some foreign film and Suicide Kings. The latter features Christopher Walken, Jay Mohr, Big Bang’s Johnny Galecki and a grown up Elliott from ET. It is a great crime caper with brilliant performances. Dennis Leary is in it too. The feeling of schmoozing with other film buffs in the urban center of Cleveland was a great thrill. Plus the food court has Sbarro’s.

The next one of note was St.Patrick’s Day 2001, I believe. My wife attended a Mary Kay event at the convention center while I did some day drinking at Flannery’s and Winking Lizard. We then saw another foreign film(the titles don’t matter, they’re all depressing and not very memorable). We had a second film lined up some hours later, so we hopped over to Lakewood for some record shopping and billiards at Iggy’s. We then returned to Tower City to see the incredible Memento. This mindbender featured one of my favorite actors, Aussie Guy Pearce. It was also directed by future Dark Knight mastermind, Christopher Nolan. This was a great treat.

Another year we saw the comedy Wet Hot American Summer. It was helmed by Shaker Heights native and Mtv’s State alum, David Wain. It is a send up of 80′s summer camp sex romps and features Paul Rudd, Janeane Garofalo, Michael Ian Black, David Hyde Pierce, Amy Poehler, Bradley Cooper and other Shaker native, Molly Shannon. It is hilarious. Highly recommended! Mr. Wain even attended for a Q and A session.

Our last visit was last year. We had dinner at Zocalo on east fourth street beforehand. This is an affordable upscale Mexican eatery with a great layout and laid back vibe. We then wandered around downtown taking pictures. The movie was another foreign affair whose name escapes me, but it was the best one we’ve seen there. Pre-movie schmoozing was great. I just love seeing festival volunteers with their name tags and all the swag available. This must be what Sundance feels like. The cool thing is, unlike bigger name fests, you don’t need to travel or book a hotel room. Sure, we don’t get Cannes fare or big celebrities, but this is done Cleveland style. Casual, fun and not very pretentious. Most movies you see never really stand out in your mind over time. But just seeing them in this environment makes them a bit more special. You can also get real movie theater popcorn in lieu of sushi.

Category: Miscellaneous
Location: Comment